Welcome to this.

Oh hi. I see you’ve found my website. I suspect this is going to be part of an unusually good day for you. Not very many people know who I am. That’s not an accident. Please don’t ever make me change that statement. Can you imagine how tedious things would be if they did? But this isn’t really written for them. Or for you, come to think of it. I write it because I need to. You’re free to follow along as it suits you.

Be warned, though: I ramble a fair bit. I rather like the sound of my own voice. But I guess that doesn’t really help you. Unless you know me well enough to read everything in my voice? You should probably know, then, that I speak in a British accent when I talk to myself. Bet you don’t know me well enough to hear everything like that!

I’ve spent most of my life trying to get along with whichever people were closest, even though it was apparent from the time I started reading books to the other children in my preschool class when I was three that I’m not exactly like most folk. I spent almost all my energy and creativity trying to pull it off, to practically no avail, so I’m quitting. Imagine a white flag on a wee stick coming out of the top of whatever device you’re using to read this. In a proportionately small hand with a scar near the right thumb where I cut myself with a chisel. That’s me. Tiny-fied. Quitting.

I’m Catholic, and proud to be (as converts tend to be). And nerdy. Good grief nerdy. I like books, and TV series written with each season as one long story, and thinking, and arguing. I don’t usually like movies because I feel like they’re too short to tell a story in enough detail. Especially the really long ones. I’m only mostly convinced Homo sapiens are the only humanoid species on this planet, and even less convinced that most people who would count themselves among them deserve the “sapiens” part of that title. I like Doctor Who even more than I admit (which is saying something, since I’m pretty open about the 6’1″ cardboard cutout of David Tennant standing in my bedroom–but my love for him is another issue entirely). So see? I do like stuff.

I don’t like being told what to do. Which makes me a pretty lousy employee unless you give me a lot of creative freedom and are willing to let me gut most of your processes and rearrange them so they’re at least 20 times as efficient. I can’t help it. That’s just how my brain operates. If you’re into that sort of thing, give me a call. On the bright side, I don’t care to be in control of other people, so that’s agreeable. I really, really, really hate politics. The biggest problem with the American political system (oh, right–I’m also American) is that one side thinks people are able to run their lives better than the government can, and the other side thinks people are ill-equipped to run their lives as well as the government can–and both sides are right about themselves but wrong about the other side. I don’t like that every single interaction in public life is filtered through a sexual lens, where the first thing that matters about anybody is whether they’re a man or a woman. Nothing about either has ever felt terribly personally important to me, and I’m pretty sick of people’s predilection for making assumptions based on the number of X or Y chromosomes I do or do not have. Can’t I just be me? Does that really have to matter so much that we can’t carry on an undistracted conversation unless you can put me into one of those boxes first?

I came across Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s, quotation above about being “creatively maladjusted” and decided to rebrand my whole site with it. I’ve always been a bit maladjusted, despite the best efforts of many well-meaning people around me, including pretty much everyone who’s ever been given authority. I’ve recently come to understand that it’s because I’m designed to be some odd shape, like a heptagram, in a world of square, circle, or triangular holes. It’s time I set about owning my maladjustment, get creative with it, and do my part to work with Jesus to save humanity. Like I said–Catholic. “Church Militant” and all that.

I’ve been told a personal website is the new resume. If you came here looking for a list of my bonafides, I hope you’re accustomed to disappointment. I did warn you at the beginning that this isn’t really for you. I suppose if something I’ve accomplished in my past would convince you I’m likely to be able to accomplish something you’d like in the future, you’re free to ask about it, but if what you’re wanting to accomplish is boring, I probably won’t tell you. It’s not my intention to work for anybody ever again, so I’m not sure why you’d need my resume. I might work with you, if you’re doing something interesting, but if I find it interesting, I don’t consider it work. If you feel compelled to give me money, that’s on you.

How’s that for an introduction to a website? Guess you at least know what you’re in for? Enter if you dare. (I hope you read that in my British accent. I did. It doesn’t sound the least bit menacing that way. Just a bit too daft to be serious. Sort of like Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor.)